The Paradox of the Conflict of The “I” and The “You”

I believe there is an ongoing conflict in each of ourselves. It’s the conflict of our own personal demons of the voices of others that we must overcome and try to squash inside in order to truly rule over ourselves. The metaphysical fight for the “I” over; the “We”, the “Us”, the “Others”, the “Them”, the “You”. The personal fight for true individual independence and freedom.

But is this how we ourselves wish to be treated by others? To have our own voices stomped out in their heads?

I think no. I believe we wish to be listened to, to be heard. Yet to truly be masters of ourselves I believe that the “I” asks NOT to listen to the voices of others. Perhaps this is the greatest paradox that has no answer. That “I” can only be “I” when I hear no “You”. But herein lies the problem, as for the “I” to exist, it needs the “You” in order to define itself. So for “I” to truly be “I” it mustn’t listen to “You”, but it needs the “You”, the “Other”, in order for the “I” to be.

I must ask then, how am I treating you as I myself wish to be treated, if “I” am actively trying to rid myself of “You” from “Me”? In other words, I believe the “I” wants to be “heard” by others, but actually loses it’s being, it’s agency, it’s self, when it “listens” to others. How can “We” all be heard by others while actively trying not to listen to each other. It seems impossible.

So then, am I to just genuinely listen to “You”, as I myself would wish to be treated? What then of “Me”? Am I to be forever cursed with trying to rid ALL of “You” from “Me”?

After further reflection, it feels that “I” am only trying to rid myself of “my perceptions” of “You”. My perceptions of what I perceive “You” to think of me, my actions, and my choices. “I” am trying to prevent my perceptions of how I perceive you to perceive me from influencing how “I” feel, act, and behave. I need to remember that my perceptions of how you perceive me are likely false, as “I” don’t actually know how “You” perceive “Me” inside of “You”. Only “You” do. In these matters “I” only have my suppositions to go on. And being ruled by these suppositions, these false perceptions of “You”, is how I feel “I” lose myself.

So “I” am not trying to rid myself of “You” exactly, only my suppositions of “You”. My Supposed-To’s of “You”.

And as I stated, my suppositions of you are likely false. Therefore to truly know “You”, “I” must genuinely listen to “You”. Further, “I” must genuinely trust what you decide to share with and impart to me. To do anything else is to rely on my suppositions of you. And to reiterate, I believe that relying on my suppositions of you – allowing my perceptions of how I feel you to see me, to dictate my actions, my thoughts, my being – is truly, how I believe, one loses oneself. It’s how I lose my agency of my being. It’s how “I” becomes shackled to “You.”

So, in order for all of these interpersonal exchanges to truly function between all of each other and for all of each other, in order to resolve this impossible paradox, the paradox of the conflict of the “I” and the “You”. To answer the impossible question of, how can “We” all be heard by others while actively trying not to listen to each other, trying not to let our perceptions of others rule over our very selves. Well I believe to sort through all of this, it begins by NOT relying on our suppositions of each other. I believe that instead it begins with listening to each other, truly and genuinely listening. But further, I believe it begins inside of each and every one of us, by treating each other how each of us would wish to be treated. And I believe that this begins first with each of us continually being honest with ourselves and our intentions. We mustn’t mask ourselves for fear of others. We need to be honest with ourselves first, in order to be truly honest with each other.

Another way of saying it, is that we need to be true to our word. This might be the only rule we need to live by for both, a functioning society of ourselves to coexist with unique and healthy individuality. And healthy individuality is how I purport that we will all be able to live in the most full and vibrant way. With true diversity and variety, as I believe life has always intended.

BE TRUE TO YOUR WORD. BE TRUE TO YOU.

-jamesdainger